I was reading an article early this afternoon on behavioral genetics that gave birth to so many questions and resultant trains of thought that it has occupied my mind most of the day. The particular question that most interested me has to do with the differences between men and women with regard to the opinions of others and where it has led.
Women, from the time we are children, seem overly consumed by the strong desire (sometimes a crucial need) to be popular, admired, well thought of, etc. Even by those we don’t particularly think highly of. It is almost as if we cannot see our true reflection; we judge ourselves instead by the opinions of others. “He says I am pretty, therefore I am attractive.” “She says I am intelligent, therefore I am smart.” Much more disastrously, of course, are the negative judgments. “She says I am fat, therefore I am overweight, regardless of what the scales read.”
Men, on the other hand, seem to judge themselves by their deeds. “I beat him in that race, therefore I am fast.” “I carried my sister on my back, therefore I am strong.” Negative judgments are so much easier to dismiss for a boy. “He said I am weak but I can carry my sister so he's wrong.”
I’m not a psychologist. And observations, unless made in a controlled way with many test subjects, are just personal opinion. But IF this is correct, I wondered WHY. Does it have to do with evolution? Is it a throw-back to a time when women, biologically weaker and given to periods of extreme vulnerability (pregnancy, for example), needed the protection of a man/clan to ensure survival? A man, then at least, didn’t need to be liked to survive from adolescence until he became incapable. A woman, on the other hand, needed to attract and retain a mate, not only to become pregnant but to survive pregnancy. Insurance was being well thought of by a clan, in case of the death of her mate. The more desirable females attracted the superior mates/clans, gaining protection during vulnerability, and ensuring her genes were passed to future generations.
Of course, “desirable”, like “beauty”, is in the eye of the beholder. What was considered a desirable woman just a few decades ago differs wildly from what is considered desirable today; imagine how much different a beautiful woman from the dawn of civilization would be from today’s version. Also, in the modern world, an intelligent or resourceful woman, despite her “desirability”, can survive and ensure the survival of her genes. Yet, it seems to me, women are still caught in this evolutionary snare. We still want to be liked, whether or not we need to be.
The real tragedy, it seems to me, lies in what some women are willing to do/become in order to gain acceptability. You need spend only an hour on Facebook to become completely nauseated by my entire gender. The pleas for attention are rampant. Some seem to have made playing the victim role their life’s goal, pouring out their hearts about how vilely they were treated by others so people will “like” their post or provide a virtual {hug}. Others seem to believe sexual availability is the ticket, posting profile pictures verging on the obscene, advertising (I can think of no better word for it) what they have done/are willing to do, (let’s not limit it to) “in the bedroom”. While in some situations, neither behavior might be considered bizarre, when it is taken into consideration that the “friends” of most of the women who behave in this way are complete strangers, I find it deeply disturbing.
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