A little while ago someone who inspires me quit smoking.
I so admired that but thought I didn't have the willpower to accomplish it on my own. So I planned it. I talked to the Health and Wellness Coach at work. I was supplied with patches for eight weeks and was given a support person at the end of a phone line. However, I was dithering over the "quit date". So I decided to take a breath and think about why.
This wasn't quitting as I wanted to quit for several reasons.
1. I'm one of those annoying people who actually enjoy smoking. Now, don't misunderstand. I don't like what it does to my lungs. I don't like the expense. I don't like the smelly ashtrays or the offensive odor that smoking leaves in my hair and on my clothes. But what I most dislike about smoking is that I allowed myself to become addicted to it. I always enjoyed smoking the odd cigarette ... when I wanted to. I most certainly did not enjoy feeling the need for one every two hours or so. Or experiencing that my-eyes-are-sinking-into-the-back-of-my-skull feeling if I hadn't had one in, say, the past three to four hours. So I had to face that I don't really want to quit. Not entirely. What I want is to be able to smoke just one cigarette, at the end of the day, when I want to. And, yes, I am aware that having that one cigarette at the end of each day is going to make NOT having other cigarettes throughout each day far more difficult. But, hey, while I'm not expensive or high-maintenance, I never said I was easy. ;-)
2. I felt the way I was planning to quit wasn't the right way for me. I didn't want to spend eight weeks slowly lowering my dependence on nicotine that was being supplied to me by a patch on my arm. Weird as it may sound, I wanted it to be painful and horrific but short and sharp. I wanted my "quit date" to stick in my mind to deter me from ever again lighting up MORE than one cigarette at the end of a day. I wanted to be AFRAID of having to go through that again. BUT ... there was that lack of willpower thing. Was I going to be able to do it the way I wanted to do it or was I going to fail miserably?
3. That last sentence really challenged me. Once upon a time, I believed myself terribly impatient. However, over the past three years, I've proven to myself just how incredibly patient I can be. Given the right incentive. Maybe it's the same with willpower, I thought. After all, what's the difference between being stubborn and possessing willpower? I know I can be stubborn as hell so why am I so convinced I have insufficient willpower?
So I decided to quit my way instead of the planned way. It was going to be ridiculously challenging my way. But, if I didn't succeed ... well, there were the patches stacked neatly in their four little boxes and there's still that support person waiting to hear from me ...
I deliberately chose the quit day I did for very personal reasons that I'm not going to go into. But I also chose it for the day that follows it; an important day to me; one that makes me happy every year.
So ... I put out my last "I really need this" cigarette at 11:00 on Friday night.
I had my first "I'm smoking this because I want to" cigarette at about 11:30 on Saturday night.
It's now 10:35 on Sunday morning. I've been up for over three hours. And I know that I won't smoke my next cigarette until after 11:00 tonight. Because I'm just that stubborn. ;-) And because the reason I quit matters that much to me.
