The Help

I watched the movie The Help tonight. I'd heard such good things about it, had been looking forward to it for several weeks, and it certainly did not disappoint. I laughed and I cried. Most of all, I began thinking again about racism, something I haven't considered in a while.

Racism is something I never have understood. I can still remember the first time I heard about an incident, although I didn't understand it at the time and certainly didn't know the term "racism". My uncle, newly enlisted in the Navy, had returned home for a visit after being stationed for a brief time down south. I was very young and it was in the early sixties. He'd offered his seat to a pregnant woman on a bus. Both of them had been thrown off the bus for this transgression and the woman had been mad as hell at him because, far from helping her, he'd caused her to have to walk home. I didn't understand it at the time, of course. Not any of it. I only even remembered it because he was one of my heroes and I couldn't imagine what the big deal was or how he could have gotten in trouble for anything. It was many years later that it finally made sense to me, when we learned in school about the civil rights protests and about blacks having to sit in the back.

I guess I should state that I'm white. I grew up (and have returned to) a predominantly white town. But I had black friends growing up and, when I lived in London, I had a lot of them. Black teenagers came to my house, at least two of them did. I never went to theirs. I was never invited. I don't think I even noticed that then or if I did, I didn't relate it to race, which it may not have been. My house, or at least my front porch, was the place many of my friends congregated. A lot of people came to my front porch whose homes I never visited.

But there was this one boy. Not one of the people who hung out at my house. He was a football player. I think he was a quarterback but I can't honestly remember for certain. I was never into "jocks" in the way some girls were. But I do remember that he played very well and people talked about the possibility of him turning pro. He was a year older than me and we sometimes flirted in the hall at school. I thought he had a great sense of humor and, to be honest, I flirted with a lot of boys but didn't date much. I'm not sure why; perhaps the subject of a future blog. Anyway, one day he asked me out. As usual, I politely said no. He looked hurt. Disappointed. And he said, "I didn't think you were one of them."

Which rocked me for quite some time afterwards. He was black, you see, and I was white. It wasn't the reason I hadn't gone out with him but his comment made me question myself. I wasn't "one of them", never had been. But, because he said it, I worried about it. I finally decided that, just as his being black was no reason not to go out with him, the fact that he was black was equally no reason to go out with him. I hadn't ever questioned my reason for not accepting a date with anyone else. I never wondered if I'd declined because he was tall or short or Jewish or Mexican. But then, no one else had ever said to me, "I didn't think you were one of them."

I've lived in several cities in America, three in Ireland, and one in England. In my opinion, people are pretty much the same wherever you go. There are racists and there are normal people who, if they notice color at all, at least don't judge by it.

Although my husband and I tried hard to care for our children ourselves as they were growing up, there was a period of three years when we had to place our oldest son in the care of a childminder. We just couldn't afford during those three years for me to stay at home. We were careful about selecting a childminder. We finally chose a woman who seemed very nice and who had six children of her own (very experienced), all in school (so our pre-school son would not be neglected in favor of her own children while we were at work), and was registered with Social Services. Another factor in her favor as far as we were concerned was the fact that she was white, her husband was black, and their children were mixed-race. My son wasn't growing up with racism in our home and he wasn't going to be influenced in her care.  Or so I thought.

One evening my four year old was telling me about his day. "Christopher is evil," he said. (Christopher was one of the childminder's children.) "Why?" I asked him. "Did he do something to hurt you?" "No," he replied. "He just is." "I don't understand why you think he's evil," I said, "if he didn't do something to hurt you." "Just look how dark he is," my child said to me, "the darker, the more evil." "Why would you think that?" I asked, trying not to show my alarm. "Tracey said so. The darker, the more evil."

I asked for a conversation with the childminder the next evening, as Tracey was Christopher's older sister. She sent the children off to play and she and her husband sat down with my husband and I. I told her about the conversation, a little embarrassed to be raising the subject, but expecting them to be upset and to do something about it. Neither of them batted an eye and in fact didn't seem to understand why it had upset me.

"Oh, you get that all the time," her husband said. "Tracey's lighter so she annoys Chris about it."

I was speechless, so he continued.

"You'll hear the West Indians talk about the Africans and the lighter mixed ones talk about the darker. It's always been that way and you're not likely to change it."

I have always learned lessons from people in my life. Three very wonderful women taught me a lot about racism. All black. One is Ugandan but was living in London when I knew her. Another is British, of West Indian parents. The third was born in the West Indies, grew up in London, and recently returned to a different part of the West Indies. All three are intelligent, strong, articulate women. All three have experienced racism from both whites and blacks. And all three speak out about it, wherever they see it and from whomever it comes. I don't admire these women because of the color of their skin just as I know they didn't befriend and teach me because of the color of mine. I admire them because of their courage. I aspire to being more like them.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

I'm really at a bit of a loss at the moment to understand how some people can justify preparing to celebrate a season of peace, love and goodwill towards all men by demonstrating an attitude of religious intolerance and hostility.

 

I have seen recent posts on social networks from outraged people over terms such as "holiday trees" and being wished a "happy holiday".  These rants usually concern wanting everyone to call it a "Christmas tree" and to speak the words "Merry Christmas" to one another.  I have also seen people demonstrating, both for and against, a nativity scene being placed in front of a government building.

 

Personally, I'd like to see a little more common sense applied at this time of year. 

 

My first point is that this is not just the Christmas season.  Hanukkah will be celebrated from December 20^th through December 28^th.  Yule will be celebrated December 22^nd.  Christmas will be celebrated December 25^th.  Perhaps, rather than attempting to "rob" Christians of Christmas, people speaking the words "Happy Holidays" are merely wishing to convey glad tidings, not knowing whether you will be celebrating Hanukkah, Yule, Christmas or, as an atheist, your interest lies more in New Year's Day. 

 

I will be celebrating Yule but am very happy to be wished a "Merry Christmas" by my Christian friends or a "Happy Hanukkah" by my Jewish friends.  I'm not sure if I have any atheist friends but, if I do, please feel free to wish me "Happy Holidays".  The important thing, to me, is the hope for my happiness and I'm grateful for the sentiment, regardless of how it's expressed.  (And, just in case you're wondering, it's "Blessed Yule" but "Bright Blessings" is appropriate for all occasions.)

 

My second point is that people of several religions have adopted the use of a decorated tree at this time of year.  Ladies and gentlemen of the Christian persuasion, it's about time you were disabused of the notion that this tradition began with you.  Bringing an evergreen into the home at this time of year began in Pagan homes long before the birth of Jesus.  I have Jewish friends who have a "Christmas tree" in their homes every year because they enjoy it every bit as much as Christians and Pagans do.  In fact, these particular friends call it a "Christmas tree" in an effort to avoid offending their Christian neighbors, which I find very considerate.  I call mine a "Christmas tree" because I grew up Christian and the term is habitual.  I suppose it would be more correct to call it a "holiday tree" but I'm not one of those who are easily upset by such things.  Call it what you like but please stop dictating to others that it must be a "Christmas tree" and for goodness sake stop complaining that others are trying to steal it from you, especially when it originated elsewhere.

 

As a third point, I'd like to address the nativity scene in front of the government building.  Like Thomas Jefferson, I'm a huge proponent of the wall of separation between church and state.  Having said that, I'm not at all offended as an American if my fellow citizens of the Christian religion wish to erect, in front of a government building, a Christian religious scene during the holiday season.  Why would I be?  I'm too busy celebrating peace, love and goodwill towards all men to nit-pick over something that's doing me no harm and is, in all honesty, aesthetically pleasing.  I personally consider those demonstrating against it to have too much time on their hands and not enough tolerance in their hearts.  Likewise, I mind the erectors labeling those who object "un-American".  I mind that a lot, actually, and I imagine President Jefferson turning over in his grave each time I hear it.

 

I will sign off by wishing you all "Happy Holidays" … and by that I mean "Blessed Yule", "Happy Hanukkah", "Merry Christmas", and "Happy New Year".  I hope each of you receives a full and healthy dose of happiness and that you are able to spread the good cheer to everyone you encounter, both in real life and online.

IN CELEBRATION OF LEAPING TO AMAZON PRIME STATUS, I'M OFFERING A SPECIAL PROMOTION THIS WEEKEND ONLY

 

From midnight on Friday, December 9 until midnight on Sunday, December 11 you can download "Maiden", the first book of the trilogy "Sarah's Story" for FREE.

 

Just go to Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk, enter "Maiden (Sarah's Story)" into the search box and click on GO to download your free book.

 

If you visit Amazon THIS WEEKEND ONLY, you can buy all three books for the price of two, an excellent savings on a present for the e-readers on your gift list.